My story has changed slightly... again.
The dancer once had life, then i took it from her and now in a massive turn of events i have given the dancer life again - kind of.
The story is still about this strange infatuation/love between the clown and the wind up dancer however the dancer shows no signs of life or affection towards the clown. You watch the clown wind her and watch and wind and wind until, eventually the key no longer turns. He tries to turn the key forcing it to hard and snaps it off. At first this seems as if it is the end of him and her but then as if the key breaking has freed the dancer she awakens. The clown then helps her off of the platform that she once could not move from. The end shot is a kind of repeat from the beginning where you once saw the lonely clown, now he sits with his dancer love.
I'm still making further drawings and so for some of the sections where it seems you are only focused on the clown there will be further animation. Importantly to add there is an animation of a 360 degree rotation around the dancer although its taking some time to draw!
I also am completing some painting of scenes, including colour and style - these will be up soon too!
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Hi Heather,
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you're still thrashing out the kinks in your story; it's a common problem and an essential task; I spent my morning refining a scene in my childrens book that was originally written over 4 years ago! (And it's still not f**king right!!!). Anyway, I've got a few more ideas for you and some observations.
I'm still not hugely convinced by the tipping point in your narrative; the key breaking; at the moment, you're suggesting that the key means that the dancer has no free-will; i.e., that she can only move in a set number of ways; when the key breaks, she is free... But isn't it more logical that she would be fixed in place by another mechanism - something clockwork, and it's her attachment to the platform or music box that keeps her 'stuck'; in this sense, the key breaking can't help her get down from the stage; it would keep her there forever.
Consider this treatment...
1) The dancer is a 'prisoner'
2) The dancer is a prisoner because she is trapped by the music box
3) However, the music box (her prison) also gives her life (the mechanism that makes her dance and gives her beauty).
4) The clown loves the dancer.
5) The dancer loves the clown.
6) In order for the dancer to be with the clown, she must leave the 'safety' and security of the music box.
7) But if the dancer leaves the music box, she will die.
8) The dancer leaves the music box to be with the clown.
9) At last, the clown and the dancer can touch.
10) The dancer dies (she is disconnected from her 'life force' - the clockwork mechanism of the music box)
11) Moral - it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all - also, it is better to 'feel' for one second, than to go without love for a lifetime etc.
Bitter sweet and also very clean in terms of through line; there is a 'bird in a guilded cage' idea here and the idea of sacrifice; it is a story about the absence of selfishness and the power of love.
All of this is already in your story idea, but I don't think the symbolism is quite there yet; you've only got 2 minutes or so to take the audience with you, so the through-line of your narrative must be absolutely clear - and it's not - not yet. Anyway, see what you think, and I'll check back to see what your thoughts are; if you want to come in and see me on Monday afternoon, I'd be happy to discuss this further with you. In the meantime, DO NOT panic; remember this, YOUR STORY IS EVERYTHING and cannot be rushed! :-)