okay - regarding campus closures, in the past, the University has ensured students get any missed time back - but until the Rochester campus confirms its status tomorrow, it's all academic; I'll be talking with Alan and Mike, so don't worry about something that has happened yet - check the UCA website for details - if the campus is closed, log the time/facilities disallowed to you; I'm quite sure no one will lose out, okay?
Regarding the PDF - it's simply a 'making of' document; it doesn't need to be printed, but it does need to represent an organised, edited over-view of your 15 weeks of production; think of it as a formalised version of your blog; it should include your storyboards, character designs, screen grabs of progress etc... it's nothing major, it's just good house-keeping :-)
I'll follow this comment with some direct responses to the playblast - watch this space...
1) On the pan up from the marble you cut to a new scene before the dancer is established in shot; let this shot play out - the 'point' of this camera move is to introduce the dancer.
2) While it's good that you show the Jack in the Box and its spatial relationship with the dancer, I think you need to introduce the characters in more isolation; so, let the dancer wind herself up and rotate - and THEN show the box opening and Jack watching her; currently you've got what appear to be continuity errors wherein one moment the box is open, only for it to be closed in the next shot.
3) You need to better demonstrate that the dancer and jack are aware of each other - so, once you've introduced her, and then introduced him, you need to show them looking at one another longingly... then, we see Jack go back into the box and then...
4) I don't know why you've chosen those bird's eye views of Jack leaving his box? It makes it very difficult for your audience to grasp the dillemma of the 2 characters - that Jack can't reach; you need to show this action from the side, otherwise your narrative doesn't convey.
5) The 'shaky' hand-held shot doesn't work; it introduces a kineticism that isn't present in any of your other shots, and so feels very odd.
6) There's a lot of roving camera stuff in your piece that slows the story down; (lots of shots of the shelving); simply try a re-edit when you cut to the actual action more immediately - and see what difference it makes.
7) Currently, the dancer's decision to jump is very weak; your cross-dissolve sits right in the middle of the 'big moment' and your mid-distance camera diminishes it further; isn't this a really big deal for the dancer? There should be more tension here, as she resolves to jump.
8) Also - when they've finally embraced, shouldn't we see them reaction - close-ups on her face/his face, with them smiling?
9) Also - lose the text elements at the end - it's overkill
Introduce dancer - let her dance Introduce Jack - let him watch her Let them look at each other - let them sigh. Let Jack look determined; then let Jack go into box; show handle turning; show Jack (side-view) leaping out; show dancer react expectantly; show Jack fall short (side view): show dancer's disappointment; show Jack's disappointment; show dancer look at her feet - then struggle to pull herself free (but fail); show dancer looking at Jack - she sighs/shrugs. Show Jack's resolve to try again - lid shuts, handle turns; Jack leaps out - falls short; show dancer as she pulls her foot free. Show dancer and Jack reacting to each other - as if an idea passes between them (you can do this with pans etc.) Third try - cut between handle turning, and Dancer freeing herself - create tension; cut to dancer's face looking determined; cut back to handle turning etc - then dancer leaps as lid flies open; they hug; they're happy - go to freeze frame maybe - fade to white? - then show shot of broken toys on floor...
What your animation lacks currently is tension and reaction shots; that is not to say that you haven't accomplished lots - it's clear that you're killing yourself here - BUT the needs of your story are actually very simple and I think your roving camera are at the expense of the story; it's a character piece remember - I think you can make more of them and make them work harder in close-up - and don't be afraid of editing; at the moment, it appears as if you're frightened to break your camera moves into smaller fragments, but you need to to create tension; think more montage editing - he looks, she looks, he reacts, she reacts; I know you've got limited facial animation, but a tilted head or a downcast expression can do a great deal; you have one sequence of Jack look dejected that is working well - you need to make your performers perform more; they are the heart of your story afterall.
Don't be intimidated by these comments; you can probably tell this story in 3 mins max - knock out the long, roving camera stuff, cut to the action; and re-consider the simplicity of your story - what does it need to do?
Thank you - just a quick comment that the sound for the whole thing is out but about thrity seconds, and i have no idea why.. and i forgot to put that the intro sounds are not the final ones... but in premiere they were all fine so thats a bit of a mystery to me.
Would you say the actual animation itself ok (once ive added the reactions) - is more of an editing and camera problem? i just want to know where to focus to most, or would you say both animation and camera shots?
please comment - it needs to be cut as it is too long at the moment although im stuggling to decide what to do away with!
ReplyDeleteHi Heather,
ReplyDeleteokay - regarding campus closures, in the past, the University has ensured students get any missed time back - but until the Rochester campus confirms its status tomorrow, it's all academic; I'll be talking with Alan and Mike, so don't worry about something that has happened yet - check the UCA website for details - if the campus is closed, log the time/facilities disallowed to you; I'm quite sure no one will lose out, okay?
Regarding the PDF - it's simply a 'making of' document; it doesn't need to be printed, but it does need to represent an organised, edited over-view of your 15 weeks of production; think of it as a formalised version of your blog; it should include your storyboards, character designs, screen grabs of progress etc... it's nothing major, it's just good house-keeping :-)
I'll follow this comment with some direct responses to the playblast - watch this space...
okay...
ReplyDelete1) On the pan up from the marble you cut to a new scene before the dancer is established in shot; let this shot play out - the 'point' of this camera move is to introduce the dancer.
2) While it's good that you show the Jack in the Box and its spatial relationship with the dancer, I think you need to introduce the characters in more isolation; so, let the dancer wind herself up and rotate - and THEN show the box opening and Jack watching her; currently you've got what appear to be continuity errors wherein one moment the box is open, only for it to be closed in the next shot.
3) You need to better demonstrate that the dancer and jack are aware of each other - so, once you've introduced her, and then introduced him, you need to show them looking at one another longingly... then, we see Jack go back into the box and then...
4) I don't know why you've chosen those bird's eye views of Jack leaving his box? It makes it very difficult for your audience to grasp the dillemma of the 2 characters - that Jack can't reach; you need to show this action from the side, otherwise your narrative doesn't convey.
5) The 'shaky' hand-held shot doesn't work; it introduces a kineticism that isn't present in any of your other shots, and so feels very odd.
6) There's a lot of roving camera stuff in your piece that slows the story down; (lots of shots of the shelving); simply try a re-edit when you cut to the actual action more immediately - and see what difference it makes.
7) Currently, the dancer's decision to jump is very weak; your cross-dissolve sits right in the middle of the 'big moment' and your mid-distance camera diminishes it further; isn't this a really big deal for the dancer? There should be more tension here, as she resolves to jump.
8) Also - when they've finally embraced, shouldn't we see them reaction - close-ups on her face/his face, with them smiling?
9) Also - lose the text elements at the end - it's overkill
Put simply, this is what you need to show...
ReplyDeleteIntroduce dancer - let her dance
Introduce Jack - let him watch her
Let them look at each other - let them sigh.
Let Jack look determined; then let Jack go into box; show handle turning; show Jack (side-view) leaping out; show dancer react expectantly; show Jack fall short (side view): show dancer's disappointment; show Jack's disappointment; show dancer look at her feet - then struggle to pull herself free (but fail); show dancer looking at Jack - she sighs/shrugs. Show Jack's resolve to try again - lid shuts, handle turns; Jack leaps out - falls short; show dancer as she pulls her foot free. Show dancer and Jack reacting to each other - as if an idea passes between them (you can do this with pans etc.) Third try - cut between handle turning, and Dancer freeing herself - create tension; cut to dancer's face looking determined; cut back to handle turning etc - then dancer leaps as lid flies open; they hug; they're happy - go to freeze frame maybe - fade to white? - then show shot of broken toys on floor...
What your animation lacks currently is tension and reaction shots; that is not to say that you haven't accomplished lots - it's clear that you're killing yourself here - BUT the needs of your story are actually very simple and I think your roving camera are at the expense of the story; it's a character piece remember - I think you can make more of them and make them work harder in close-up - and don't be afraid of editing; at the moment, it appears as if you're frightened to break your camera moves into smaller fragments, but you need to to create tension; think more montage editing - he looks, she looks, he reacts, she reacts; I know you've got limited facial animation, but a tilted head or a downcast expression can do a great deal; you have one sequence of Jack look dejected that is working well - you need to make your performers perform more; they are the heart of your story afterall.
Don't be intimidated by these comments; you can probably tell this story in 3 mins max - knock out the long, roving camera stuff, cut to the action; and re-consider the simplicity of your story - what does it need to do?
Thank you - just a quick comment that the sound for the whole thing is out but about thrity seconds, and i have no idea why.. and i forgot to put that the intro sounds are not the final ones... but in premiere they were all fine so thats a bit of a mystery to me.
ReplyDeleteWould you say the actual animation itself ok (once ive added the reactions)
- is more of an editing and camera problem? i just want to know where to focus to most, or would you say both animation and camera shots?
thank you for your comments.